Since I’ve been home from Costa Rica in Iowa… Everything has changed. I have changed. My town has changed. Even, my parents treat me differently. Now, what is changing: my friends.

My friends are going in many different directions without the slightest of indications as to when I will see them again.  Many have graduated and have future plans for other things. Others are This is good, but it is also bad. Good from the aspect that I want to see them all happy, doing something they love. However, this is bad for me because I’m stuck here with the possibility of never seeing them again as they go off in their many directions. When I mean “stuck here.” I mean, stuck here temporarily until I can leave for good like they are. Off on an epic journey into the sunset, trying hard not to look back. Although I’ve had glimpses and instances, nothing has been realized… yet.

Three of my good… no, my best friends are hard to reach now. One currently resides in Kansas City, another is in Des Moines waiting to hopefully go to Americorps, while the other joined the marine corps. During this break, I’ve had the lucky pleasure of indulging in a visit from the last, while seeing the middle some as well. I can’t tell you how good it was to see and hear from both of them. It was especially true with the last. I hadn’t seen him for over 1/2 a year. In reality, it became almost too habitual how much I saw him. I was starting to think he was here for good, and now he is leaving in minutes. Which is why it leaves me here. Here, in a world of confusion and dillusion, I stand waiting for my turn. My turn to show the world that I’m worth that much. My turn to show them all that I turn like clockwork, spin upside down, and rotate the earth upon a superior’s summoning. It’s been everlong…

It’s scary when life stares you down, forces you to swallow your emotions, and tell one of your best friends to enjoy their journey and that you will always be by their side. It is the hardest thing. As much as you want to sit back and scream from your lungs: “DON’T GO! I NEED YOU!” You can’t. You can’t, because deep down, from the bowels of your existence, you respect and love them. I mean that in the most brotherly sense I could ever perpetrate from my bitter words.

So, here I am. World still in my hands, waiting. All is not lost, friends are all not gone. However, it does feel a lot more empty than it had. When my first good friend, the one I just mentioned, left me around April. It wasn’t that long before I left. So, in doing so, I missed him but with great promise for a future. I was with another of my buddy’s, from KC now. Then, he move on after the trip to Poland. Later, I met my other friend from the China trip. Now, he is living elsewhere as well.

It’s been a lot of change to deal with, and I’m surprised it hasn’t caught up to me…. yet…. yet. Now, as I stare down those empty streets, they seem a lot less busy. A lot less busy knowing there are some solid individuals who are going elsewhere with their lives. They are making something of themselves. They are doing what I had to do for myself after I graduated. They did what I did when this blog was only in its infancy. I applaud them for going out there. I really do. Regardless of it is here, domestic, international, it does not matter. I applaud them for having visions and dreams for something better and sticking to it. That is what life is about, and that is something to live and die for.

But where does this all leave me. Well, I’m still here in this town. I’m going to take classes because I want better for myself, as well. I’m going to try and obtain a minor or major potentially in TESOL with the hopes of traveling and working abroad. It’s a pipe dream and subject to change. However, it’s a plan for now. I still have a lot of people to talk with, and I know it’s not going to be easy figuring out. However, I feel good about this direction. I just can’t be happy going along with my major in Political Science or Public Administration: Human Resource Development. I wouldn’t mind the latter, but the former, it is all too much now for me. Politics have a tendency of burning you out after years of intense interest.

Where do I see myself? Hopefully, I will be living in Spain doing teaching abroad, that is my plan. I can only hope that this will become reality. However, only time can tell. It’s a big step. A step that will require me to leave much behind, but with gaining a lot for the future.

Well the night grows restless, my body aches, and tomorrow brings new hope. I can’t wallow in what has been, but must rest my mind and body for what will be.

Ryan, god speed my friend, will miss you so very much in times like these. I think I finally feel what it feels like to really be growing up. I think this is what it is all about, not just the job aspect. You have to leave behind a lot of good and move on first.

I just pray for god to continually give me guidance and show me my future life even moreso.

today (technically)  is the downhill rush, and nothing can stop me now. I just hope all the studying helped as much as it could have. I really would like to do very well on this test. We’ll see what happens, it won’t be easy. Anywho, last day of spanish class, photography class, and taekwondo. I hope to have a white belt by the end of the night.

I saw The Day The Earth Stood Still tonight in a movie theather with comfortable chairs, however, they didn’t accent the movie. In fact, the movie is garbage, do not even bother. Anywho, I had fun being with friends.

I’ll updat more later I’m sure.

Upon spending time here this weekend working on homework, watching a movie, and other things; my brother bought me a new set of video games to play. 2 will not work for my EEEPC, however, the one that did is called: Space Rangers 2 (Complete). The game has many different aspects of gameplay like: trading, fighting, negotiation, and others. It’s a great game, and a wonderful solution for filling in some of the empty time until I return. It’s really hard to see my New York roommate play video games without me being able to. However, I’m sure time will be limited for playing this anyways.

This next week is going to be very busy up until Thursday night when I am done with it all. So, I won’t have much time that I know of to play this or do much of anything else. I finished 5 out of 6 of my digitally manipulated photographs, and now I’m going to try and finish my Chinese papers to get them out of the way. Next, I will work on my Spanish homework.

So little time, so much to do, but so glad it is this way at the same time, sort of.

When you thought everything couldn’t get crazier before you leave Costa Rica, yes, it does. I just found out today that I have a presentation tomorrow. This is following: an interview tonight, 3 pages of homework, an outline for our next presentation due on Friday, and more other work that I have to do for other classes.

It is simply crazy how much work I will have to do before I leave. Not only is this going to happen, but I will have another test in my photography class over Adobe Photoshop, turn in my final project for photography class, another test in my Spanish class along with a presentation practicing all my forms I’ve learned thus far (a díos mio), my china papers due, and practing for my taekwondo test for my white belt next Thursday. Yes, it couldn’t possibly get any crazier than now.

I really wish I had more time for all this, so therefore, sleep will most likely be sacrificed. However, on a bright note, I completed my china papers today. Now, all I have to do is review them and send them in. It’s coming together, slow and steady.

I just don’t want to let my group down, I need to know 10 sentences for tomorrow for my presentation memorized. Not to mention, do the other 3 pages. Alright, time to get back to work. I will feel much better once this presentation is over tomorrow.

Bueno, yo voy a preparar para mi presentación.

So I found out a bit of good news. I scored a 92% on my Spanish test. This was tied for the highest score with a fellow colleague of mine. I couldn’t believe it. The teacher congratulated both of us too. I couldn’t feel more relaxed about the end of this semester, now that I have some buffer room for mistakes. It’s always easier starting out high and ending up a little lower than the other way around. Furthermore, we’re learning subjunctive. I believe this could be the last tense we learn. However, I am not entirely sure. We will have to wait and see.

In other news, I went to a fair with Carlos and Ana this weekend, I had an absolute blast. I danced with Ana to some Costa Rica music, and she loved it. We also got to see where a bull fight is, experience some fair food, and see a mall called: “plaza del oeste” a mall on our way home. It played wonderful x-mas music by a high school band (more than likely), meanwhile we enjoyed some tiny hamburgers. The only REAL reason we stopped there in the first place was because I had to go to the bathroom REALLLLLLLLYYY bad. However, it was really cool to stop there.

Well, the sun is out, it’s an absolute gorgeous day outside. I really couldn’t ask for more. It is actually making it harder for me to see myself leaving now. I mean, we have less than two weeks now, 13 days to be exact. After all the rain, we deserve some nice days!

Well, I heard it’s not going well for everyone else, and don’t you worry, I’ll be home soon enough to share the blistering cold with you.

I’m off to do something, maybe homework, maybe a nap, I don’t know.

Love.