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After 2/3 of a year being absent, here I am again. I know it has been some time since my last post, and I can’t really tell of everything that has happened since then. However, I would like to give you the abbreviated version of my life.
First, I have joined the MA TESOL program for English. It has been the best academic decision for my future I have probably ever made in my entire life. I have mixed among many people culturally, geographically, religiously, physically, etc. different than me. It has enriched my life and lowered misconceptions I have had of them. Many of these same people, like myself, have a profound desire of changing the world for the better and share many views that I would never had imagined. Academically speaking, this would be Allport’s hypothesis of contact. This means that the more people you come into contact from different cultures, the lower your misconceptions of those type of cultures. What an honor and a privilege it has been to see myself flower and blossom as a person from this group of diverse individuals. They are always teaching me something new every day about myself or about my program.
Second, when I reviewed my previous entry, I realized how uncharacteristic it was of me to post what I had. I posted at a time when things were rough, and I was experiencing reverse culture shock. I didn’t realize the latter at the time, but I certainly do now. Having said that, I revised it a little to maybe “smooth it out.” I’ve learned much over these 8 months through difficult times, but learning times. It’s unfair to allow such a characterization of myself lament into the minds of those who read this. It has certainly improved a million times over since then. Maybe, this on a small scale is how our history changes over time.
Third, tonight was amazing. I had an amazing get together with some people in the MA TESOL program with me. They have all just started their programs, and I absolutely enjoy each and every one of them. Tonight, when talking with them, it brought back all the emotions of being abroad. Simply having the ability to talk with people in a non-judgmental environment with all like-minded individuals was enriching to say the least. I think we all have two types of friends.
The friends who are our friends because we have some interests, friends, things in common and who are decent friends. On the other hand, you have those who share your same end goal as a human being. Those who do not lay down and accept what society feeds you, but challenges it for the betterment of mankind. They see the world from your perspective, and know why it is what you do and don’t even lift a finger to judge or tell you that you are wrong because they know it all too well. They know looking at something from one perspective is sometimes over simplistic, naive, and complacent.
We settle too many of the times for the former due to the complex nature of even finding the latter in people. Sometimes, we even forget it’s possible or refuse to even think of it as a possibility anymore. I feel very privileged to know this feeling all too well in my mind right now.
Busy weekend coming up, time for some sleep.
Since I’ve been home from Costa Rica in Iowa… Everything has changed. I have changed. My town has changed. Even, my parents treat me differently. Now, what is changing: my friends.
My friends are going in many different directions without the slightest of indications as to when I will see them again. Many have graduated and have future plans for other things. This is presents a change from the norm. I feel “stuck here.” I mean, stuck here temporarily until I can leave and enter the “real world”.
Three of my good… no, my best friends are hard to reach now. One currently resides in Kansas City, another is in Des Moines waiting to hopefully go to Americorps, while the other joined the Marine Corps. During this break, I’ve had the lucky pleasure of indulging in a visit from the last, while seeing the middle some as well. I can’t tell you how good it was to see and hear from both of them. It was especially true with the last. I hadn’t seen him for over 1/2 a year. I was starting to think he was here for good, and now he is leaving within minutes. Life has dropped me here. Here, in a world of confusion and delusion, I stand waiting for my turn. My turn to show the world that I’m worth that much. My turn to show them all that I turn like clockwork, spin upside down, and rotate the earth upon a superior’s summoning. It’s been everlong…
It’s scary when life stares you down, forces you to swallow your emotions, and tell one of your best friends to enjoy their journey and that you will always be by their side. It is the hardest thing. As much as you want to sit back and scream from your lungs: “DON’T GO! I NEED YOU!” You can’t. You can’t, because deep down, from the bowels of your existence, you respect and love them. I mean that in the most brotherly sense I could ever perpetrate.
So, here I am. World still in my hands, waiting. All is not lost, friends are all not gone. However, it does feel a lot more empty than it had. When my first good friend, the one I just mentioned, left me around April, it wasn’t that long before I left. In doing so, I missed him but with great promise for a future. I was with another one of my buddy’s, who resides in KC now. Then, he move on after the trip to Poland. Later, I met my other friend from the China trip. Now, he is living elsewhere as well.
It’s been a lot of change to deal with, and I’m surprised it hasn’t caught up to me…. yet…. yet. They are doing what I had to do for myself after I graduated. They did what I did when this blog was only in its infancy. I applaud them for going out there. I really do. Regardless of it is here, domestic, international, it does not matter. I applaud them for having visions and dreams for something better and sticking to it. That is what life is about.
But where does this all leave me. Well, I’m still here in this town. I’m going to take classes because I want better for myself, as well. I’m going to try and obtain a minor or major potentially in TESOL with the hopes of traveling and working abroad. It’s a pipe dream and subject to change. However, it’s a plan for now. I still need to talk with some people about this, and I know it’s not going to be easy figuring out. However, I feel good about this direction. I just can’t be happy going along with my major in Political Science or Public Administration: Human Resource Development any longer. I wouldn’t mind the latter, but the former, it is all too much now for me. Politics have a tendency of burning you out after years of intense interest. With all due respect to anyone in those fields now, I want to do something more constructive.
Where do I see myself? Hopefully, I will be living in Spain doing teaching abroad, that is my plan. I can only hope that this will become reality. However, only time can tell. It’s a big step. A step that will require me to leave much behind, but with gaining a lot for the future.
Well the night grows restless, my body aches, and tomorrow brings new hope. I can’t wallow in what has been, but must rest my mind and body for what will be.
Ryan, god speed my friend, and I will miss you so very much in times like these. I think I finally feel what it feels like to really be growing up. I think this is what it is all about, not just the job aspect. You have to leave behind a lot of good and move on first.
I just pray for god to continually give me guidance and show me my future life.
today (technically) is the downhill rush, and nothing can stop me now. I just hope all the studying helped as much as it could have. I really would like to do very well on this test. We’ll see what happens, it won’t be easy. Anywho, last day of spanish class, photography class, and taekwondo. I hope to have a yellow belt by the end of the night.
I saw The Day The Earth Stood Still tonight in a movie theater with comfortable chairs, however, they didn’t accent the movie. In fact, the movie is garbage, do not even bother. Any who, I had fun being with friends.
I’ll update more later I’m sure.
Upon spending time here this weekend working on homework, watching a movie, and other things; my brother bought me a new set of video games to play. 2 will not work for my EEEPC, however, the one that did is called: Space Rangers 2 (Complete). The game has many different aspects of gameplay like: trading, fighting, negotiation, and others. It’s a great game, and a wonderful solution for filling in some of the empty time until I return. It’s really hard to see my New York roommate play video games without me being able to. However, I’m sure time will be limited for playing this anyways.
This next week is going to be very busy up until Thursday night when I am done with it all. So, I won’t have much time that I know of to play this or do much of anything else. I finished 5 out of 6 of my digitally manipulated photographs, and now I’m going to try and finish my Chinese papers to get them out of the way. Next, I will work on my Spanish homework.
So little time, so much to do, but so glad it is this way at the same time, sort of.
When you thought everything couldn’t get crazier before you leave Costa Rica, yes, it does. I just found out today that I have a presentation tomorrow. This is following: an interview tonight, 3 pages of homework, an outline for our next presentation due on Friday, and more other work that I have to do for other classes.
It is simply crazy how much work I will have to do before I leave. Not only is this going to happen, but I will have another test in my photography class over Adobe Photoshop, turn in my final project for photography class, another test in my Spanish class along with a presentation practicing all my forms I’ve learned thus far (a díos mio), my china papers due, and practing for my taekwondo test for my yellow belt next Thursday. Yes, it couldn’t possibly get any crazier than now.
I really wish I had more time for all this, so therefore, sleep will most likely be sacrificed. However, on a bright note, I completed my china papers today. Now, all I have to do is review them and send them in. It’s coming together, slow and steady.
I just don’t want to let my group down, I need to know 10 sentences for tomorrow for my presentation memorized. Not to mention, do the other 3 pages. Alright, time to get back to work. I will feel much better once this presentation is over tomorrow.
Bueno, yo voy a preparar para mi presentación.
