13 Days Before

Why, oh why, does it seem like this is number is wayyyy too low for the work I need to accomplish in them. Hmm, well, it is. I decided I could no longer take the GRE due to time constraints. Chris and I came to mutual conclusions on this point, and we both folded gracefully. It hasn’t been a totally loss, and I’m glad we had the time. Whether it be to talk, study the GRE, become more well-rounded from studying verbose words, or simply be more prepared in the future. I don’t regret it. On another note, I am getting sick, which makes me glad I made that decision before I got sick. This ontop of it being the build up to final’s week. I don’t think either of us could have handled it. One redeeming grace is, this is it. All the papers, all the classes, all the friends culminating to this shortly less than 2 week frantic, rush hour mess called “my life.”

However, looking forward never felt so good at such a time. When all but fumes are left in this college engine of mine, you can’t help but laugh and try and enjoy the ride. After all, if we can’t do that, what makes the difference from getting to point A to point B worth it in the first place? All we are at the end of the day is doing this all the time. To not look around once in a while, to not appreciate the beauty in the midst of a hurricane, is to lose a piece of our own humanity.

My dreams have grown more vivid, either due to the notion of losing precious status-quo creations or a sense of insecurity, every day ticks down like a clock climbing towards midnight. They consist of either past relationships, friendships, or fear of the future. I have choosen to face this inevitability with a sense of gratitude and accomplishment rather than trying to dwell in regrets or fallacies of mine. We face the person in the mirror after all, why not treat them like a brother. Although, I know not what my subconscious will bring tonight or ever. Often it is weird, ironic feeling when forced to face. I can control my thoughts now. What else can we do, really?

 Now to study abroad:

Poland and China meetings have wrapped up. They included last minute details which are more or less insignifficant. However, I’ll comment on a few here:

Poland discussed where we’d be staying, our dormitory and how we shouldn’t break our massive windows adorning our room, and reminders of things to come. Oh, and I made the first massive payment for Poland today. I also need to check on bank transaction fees for transferring money from the states there. Lastly, make sure my passport is copied and my parents and I have copies of it to insure identity.

China on the other hand, consisted of our picture being taken infront of a weird art monument, north of Curris. If I can get the picture before I leave, I’ll post it. We all received new t-shirts that say “Panthers in China” which strangely resemble that of the DOR shirts I got for staying on campus. On another note, I can’t take my typhoid yet due to me getting a viral infection. According to my China advisor, this was a good thing though because we may want to take it close to when we’re going due to effectiveness. Lastly, I’m still waiting on my passport to come back with my Visa stamp from the Consulate. They assured me it’d be back by Thursday. One can only hope this happens seemlessly.

 

Continue with the madness, roll with punches, bite the bullets, and face the music.

1 Month From Today, I’m on a plane to Poland.

Inhaling the last few seconds of breath before I board the plane to a foreign land. With so little time left, it’s crunch time from here on out. Not that I haven’t been busy enough, but now everything is going to come together. I won’t have much time to sit down and reflect like this anymore with the rush of school. However, before I hit the sack, I thought I would.

There has been some great memories here at college, and I can’t really even put into words what this experience has meant to me. A part of me knows I’m ready to move on. There’s been nothing but growth for me, and my maturity towards life and my future. I don’t even really enjoy going out to “party” anymore. I feel like such a waste of space and as a person when I do. Believe me, I’m no anti-social person. I just hate drinking to get wasted and forget that I’m even alive. I enjoy a beer here or there, but enough is enough already. It’s just irresponsible of me, and it degrades me as a person. At least it hasn’t been a focus for me lately. My life has been moving extremely quickly, it’s kept me on my feet.

It has kept me honest and I have grown into a much fuller image of myself. I recently got another job offer which I’m really excited about, but I’m just glad to move on most of all. However, this job may help push me to another level of my maturing phase. I just want to enjoy my friends as best as I can anymore. I have one leaving for the Marines in a week and others which I won’t see much. It’s painful letting go sometimes, especially when you just never know when/if you’ll ever see that person again. Eventually though, the lights must fade and people know that it is their time to leave. That hour looms over me. Much as a person who comes to grips with the grim reeper peering over their bed to take them away. So must I, transcend into another level of unknown. It comes with uncertainty, but sometimes that is a good thing.

I thought I’d leave you with an update on my situation with the Visa. I just got the application submitted, so I’m waiting to hear back to see what I need to do to my passport stamped for China. Now, I’m also working on getting a plan to do something, maybe a eurotrip while I am in Poland. I’m sure I’ll have more on Monday and Tuesday, however, that is all I have for now. Well, Other than my needing to get innoculated, vaccinated, or whatever for China heh. I’ll leave you with a picture of what my passport looks like from the front.

Good Night.